Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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