I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
