He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
