i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
