I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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