she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
