the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
