I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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