found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
