Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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