Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have to summon your inner elephant
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
