I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
