I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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