I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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