Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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