Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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