By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
