I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize