I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
