): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
