Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
