I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
