Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
