my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
