He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
birth control should be required to get into college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want to make out with him forever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
