Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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