She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize