I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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