I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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