look no pants
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
