so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
