Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
