how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
