RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
