what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
