there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
