No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
