i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
