I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
