i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
