I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
