I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
