We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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