My boss' voice literally gives me gas
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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