I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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