I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
