I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize