We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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