sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
