I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
