omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
