my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
