I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
