Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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