Pants 0. Shit 1.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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