i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
