Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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