the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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