and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
