Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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