Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
