I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
