Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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