my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
