im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
