I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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