she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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