You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
