I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i barfeds in our rink
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
