i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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