I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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