i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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