We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
