sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize