So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
