She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
