and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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