I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
