this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
