She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
