I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
