hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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