I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
