My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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