Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
