I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
